Hi there, I'm Stephanie.

And I'm Lydia. Come along with us as we explore and learn about the world of Tolkien through deep dives on lore, characters, beatalons and lafflons. We are excited to have you as a new friend on this journey with us. Welcome to Speak Friend and Enter, a Lord of the Rings podcast. Hi guys, welcome to Speak Friend and Enter, a Lord of the Rings podcast. I'm Stephanie and I'm here with my co-host. And I'm Lydia. And we're so excited for today's episode.

It's one of our riff episodes and it is... drumroll. Gollums, glow up. We were so excited. Yeah, go ahead Lydia. Yeah, I'm pumped. So here's the premise.

You are in a crowded train station. Gollum, we need to get gollum. We gotta give him his makeover. You gotta get him to glow up to the point where he can walk past you in the crowded train station and you neither scream nor bonus do a double-tage. Yeah, what would it take, the premise, what would it take for gollum to be able to walk by you and you be not blinkin' eye?

That is wild. And to be fair, I'm going off of the description or the image from the movies. So that's what I have in my mind's eye. Yeah, and I actually looked it up. I was kind of curious, like how close to the books was that description, like was the movie?

It's pretty good. The book implies he has more hair and probably slightly more clothing on. But like, you know, the disturbingly large eyes, the hunch, like everything about it is, I think, pretty cool. The sensibility, like, the sibilance of his voice, all of it is very accurate. So I feel like the movie is a strong image and one that we can work off of. Amazing, amazing. Okay, so this is the thing.

What we were thinking of doing is that we would go back and forth, kind of like from top priority to maybe some of the lesser priorities and name what we think would be the most, like, life-changing change. What must be done. Oh gosh, man, this is hard because I look at that face and that posture and I think, I don't know. I don't know what I would start with.

I went back and forth on this though. And I think I think I would start with standing up straight. How can we even get to the walking by? When he can't walk.

I barely have seen him on two feet. Yeah, I had to get that same reaction. I was like, did you do the list? I said, oh, we got to do this and this and that. And I thought, no, no, we have to start at basics.

To reach that door to walk. But what are your tactics? That's what we should do. It's like, this is obviously very important.

We both agree that this is number one. What is your tactic? How would you do it?

How would I do it? I mean, the problem is his spine has undergone, can we say, centuries of some pretty hardcore curvature. So I think I would probably, okay, I would probably start with, let's just try, you know, we're going to be walking.

We're going to be walking on two feet a lot more. Maybe we even know if we've ever seen him do it. I was just wondering that. Have we ever seen him walk on two feet? Or is he always crouching? I think he's always, I mean, when he's reaching upwards for something, we see him stand. I feel like we've seen him stand. So we know his, yeah, we have seen him stand, but it's like when he's reaching up to like, Or like when he attacks people. Yeah, when he attacks people, exactly. I can imagine him like reaching up for the ring, right? So we know his spine can bend the other way.

He's not permanently hunched. However, habits are powerful. Maybe we should have started with, he needs less of an obsession with eating raw fish and shiny things. Well, here was an idea for me. I was like, this is half training and half like some kind of back brace. But one of my ideas was like just dangle.

My second one was the back brace. Yeah, just like dangle rings above him just out of reach, you know? Something horrible like that. Get that stretch motion. Yeah, and people have been stretching for it. So some physical therapy basically is what I'm hearing. A lot of physical therapy. A lot of physical therapy and maybe a back brace.

I think. Yeah, also like stretching like, you know, people hang upside down on bars, like stretch their back out. Sounds like the back.

Like do a little bit of that. Yeah, well, he's been on a rack, so maybe it's useful. Oh, traumatic. But yeah, help stretch out the vertebrae. Yeah, the vertebrae a little stretch at an inch, you know, he needs a little bit more height. A little height would be beneficial. I agree. Yeah. And then I had a thought.

I was like, look, this is going to be new to him. We don't know. I guess we didn't set the timeline. Yeah.

Is this my fair lady where he has to be ready in like a month? That changes things. It changes scenes because my thought was like, if this is a speedy job, I'm going to give him a chain. So it'll remind him to stand up. I can see that. It'll keep his hands from going to the ground.

Yeah. And it'll give us like any excuse that we can have for like a bad posture. We'll just pretend he's laying. Maybe we go for, you know, some distinguished looks.

I think he could go for like a. Maybe heroin. I have my doubts. A monopoly man. But he could.

I was thinking to give him a chain. Okay. Sounds great. I love it.

It might remind him how to walk. Yes. I agree.

I agree. I'm just picturing it. I can't believe we never see him upright. I frankly can't.

I can't think of a moment where he's actually taking more than like one or two steps for the purpose of walking. Right. Not for the purpose of like, you know, grabbing Sam's late and biting it or something like that. Oh my gosh. Okay. Well, yeah, I think that's the first thing we agree. This is the number one challenge. Okay. Yeah. Step number two. What, what do you think?

What would you do? Okay. I, I'm thinking about, this is a little tough. You're in a social, yeah, this is tough. I was debating. You're in a social situation.

What is step two? I think we've got to go with clothes. Like there's just got to be some clothes on this dude. We can't go with the loincloth.

Yeah, I forgot. The loincloth gets looks. You're touching too much. Yeah, I just, that is the next step. Even if like, if he forgets to like walk correctly, people might not notice. Maybe they're just like, oh, he dropped a coin. You know, it's possible. He's just been sitting there for a while now. Yeah. Maybe he's just like, crouch. It's possible that you can get by with that. Wearing a loincloth.

Um, so this is where like the book maybe had him in a few more clothes. By the way, they've got to be, they've got to be clean. They've got to be sharp. They've got to cover almost the entirety of his body. I'm going to say that skin, that skin would catch some eyes too.

So I think so. And then the whole time while I was thinking about this, I was like, Dave, I am just unqualified for this. This man, he needs real help. He needs the team from the hunger games.

Like he needs so much help. The hunger games. For me, it's close.

For me, it's close. And I was thinking about what would you put him in? And I think, how would you dress him? Yeah. I think we've got to lean into hobbits. Oh, that is kind of his origin. Yeah. It's his origin, but also because they're short and like, I feel like the way we see people walking around and like, brie, they're not really looking down.

You know, they take less notice. If we're in a crowded, I'm calling it the train station, but I guess it could be somewhere actually in Lord of the Rings. Let's call it a city or brie.

A tavern. Or like the main road. Yeah.

Something like that. Like I feel like there's a mix of men. There's a mix of small fold. There's a mix of peoples.

So if you go with hobbit, which he's already short, you just make him look like other hobbits. Chances of blending in are better. I could see that because I was thinking about today's modern society. And if that was the case, I would go for skater dude. Skater dude all the way because he's kind of that thin, wiry frame.

Yes, yes, yes. He's got the emo look. He's got a little pale, a little, little salo. Do we have a like, I guess I am very bad at the color wheel, so I am not an expert on this, but like, is there a color that he needs to dress into offset the color and the grayness of his skin? I was going to say, I need to pull up a color. What are we talking about here in terms of hue? Um, yeah, because I'm, I'm going with like probably not a warm tone. I think that would crash.

Oh, I think no. OK, it just seemed, depending on the lighting, sometimes it looks more blue-y, sometimes it looks a little more green. And we could accentuate his eyes, which are blue. That's the thing.

I will say he has lovely eyes. I think that's the main feature we're working with. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Got to work with it.

Got to work with something. I think I can. So what I'm thinking right now is a nice blousey shirt. Oh, yeah. That kind of hides how stiny he is. Yeah. For sure, like a really thick waistcoat. Oh, a waistcoat for your Lord of the Rings theme. Yeah, we're doing a hobbit.

Yeah. We've got to have waistcoat. And even if it was real world, you could get a little formal.

And he would look formal with that cane. That's true. That's true. And if we're doing hobbit, we don't have to do shoes. But then his stint is revealed.

That just is always his face. I don't know. So this is as far as I got with clothes. I was like, there must be clothes.

And they must be on him. That was basically my consensus. I agree. I agree.

I think that honestly more than style or anything else, those are the main factors. They must insist. I love that. And I think, OK, I think I would go completely modern. I think I would go with baggy, long, like, you know, those cargo pants that are kind of like baggy with pockets. I think we put those on him. I think we do like some kind of baggy graphic. You don't know that he's just stitched in bones underneath. And then I think maybe instead of a cane, if I'm doing modern and doing skater boy aesthetic, I think he has like a skateboard. And that way he can crouch.

He can like get on it and like kind of crouch and ride it. Genius. You've done it. You have her excuse. You have the prop.

We forgot about props. That's kind of a I don't I don't. So you're doing the actual train station. Yeah, he's on the skateboard. On the skateboard, which would draw some attention, but he needs shoes. He needs shoes.

He needs skater boy shoes. Yeah. But like the high ones that go up mid calf with like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Classic.

Yeah. And they should be brightly colored to draw attention to his feet and away from the rest of him. Look down here, please. Please. Don't look away. Just set the feet. I love that. And the hat, the hat, a big like skater boy, like baseball hat. Like a baseball cap.

Yeah, baseball cap. Like sideways, forward, backwards, forward. For a front. I prefer a little shade on the front. I like this. I like the modern tape. This is helpful.

This is easier. Well, I think yours made a lot of sense. A lot of sense with the waistcoat and like the cane and stuff. I think he would fit in the most there.

I guess we have two scenarios. How can he fit in in the modern world and how can he fit in in the Lord of the Rings, Brie Tavern, Prandtine Pony? So we got train station and Prandtine Pony.

Prandtine Pony. I love it. Very good.

So that's close. What about you? What's your next? Top priority. Top priority. Oh, man.

I mean, this one was so much the case that I considered it, putting it as my number one, even though I knew I couldn't. It bothers me the most. He needs to do something about his hair. Like it's so stringy. Not just like his hair in the in the plural sense, his one hair. His one like.

Maybe two. The one hair that still hates you. It's just so like, I don't know. I just feel like. Shave it.

Do a little trick. I don't know what you can do with that, but just like the stringiness of the hair was so bad. It's so bad. It gets me. I just, yeah. So I think that would have to be my number three is like doing something.

I support this. Maybe shaving the head. I don't know if he doesn't have enough hair.

You're modern. So if you shave the head and put a hat on him, you're going to places. Yeah, I think he could handle it.

What would you do in Hobbiton? He's got to wear a wig. 100% because I don't think anyone has. Have you seen anyone wear hats? I mean, it's either a wig or he's in full armor and he's got a helmet on. Like there's no other choice.

That could work. I really considered the armor is that well, it's hard for a little little guy to be a hobbit. It's hard, right? Yeah. So no, 100% with and my second thought was I'm not sure.

And I didn't look at a picture to like be certain, but I'm not sure he has eyebrows. So I think we need a fix. The rest is so is. I'm not convinced he has any. Oh, my God.

We have some deficiencies. I was just looking at a picture too, and I can't tell. They're looking pretty they're looking pretty thin if they're there. There's not much. So I'm afraid we're whipping out cosmetics at this point already. Oh, my goodness. Yeah, something with eyebrows.

Without without he's not making it through without something drawn drawn on his eyebrows. But what color this is the real question. What color is his color palettes and his what is this?

So I couldn't decide my instinct is like, OK, he's got the brilliant blue eyes. Yeah. Can you like can you play that off with like blonde hair? Is that a theme? Would that be the best color? Be like bright blonde. I feel like it would have to be like a dirty like a muddy color.

Yeah. OK. Don't you think I feel like bright blonde would look so. I think it would draw too much attention. But I'm just like not very good at color palettes.

I'm not sure like if he had very dark hair, if we give him a dark with like black, I feel like it might have too much contrast with his eyes. Oh, yeah. And that might be that might be too alluring.

People might look twice too much. Yeah, so I I agree. I am thinking dirty blonde, maybe dirty blonde. Because I feel like that's kind of what his character looked like. Oh, gee. Oh, gee. Scott, um, meagle. Yeah, something along those lines.

So mid range blond. Yeah, yeah. I go with that. I go with that.

All right. Anyways, I have to go with I have to go with a wig because like I love. We just don't see hobbits who don't have hair.

So I know. And it's like curly and beautiful. Everyone has a curl.

Beautiful hair. It's true. It's true. And I did have another thought.

I forgot to write this down. Um, we might need to play him off as really old. So I did have a thought of giving him a white wood.

Oh, you know, maybe. He's a cotton ball. And like the fluffy white. Yeah. And I think that might help.

That might help. I mean, OK, this is going into the next thing, which I was really harsh with myself, but the hair just kept getting me his teeth. Like that would give the excuse for why his gummies and the lack of healthy teethies is there.

If we were saying he was older. Yes, the teeth bother me mucho, but I had to demote them because my thought was he might not smile. That is the thing.

I think you might get away with like not showing it. He has like the creepiest smile. That was horrible. So is that is that your next one? Are you doing with?

I'm moving on to the next one. I think we've got to address the teeth. OK, because if you like if someone looks at you and you think, OK, man is a little bit maybe unfortunate in his looks, but then you smile at them with those like creepy pointy things, they're going to be like disturbed. Like I think that's going to make a real impact in his social life. It's good because this is not just walking by. Like we want him to have a fresh start. You know, OK, OK.

So that's what I'm thinking. What do you do for the teeth? I mean, it's got to be implants. Like he's hardly has anything. I was thinking to slap some dentures in that bad boy.

Give him something he can take on and off. Yes, they do. So yeah, implants is the way to go. But in a flash, like depending this is a din, what is our timeline? What if we're in a rush?

Timeline we don't we do hopefully not disturbing tenders. And not too white either, right? Because he's obviously obviously it would stand out.

Look to just wide enough. Perfect. Yeah, exactly.

Just something to flush out the smile, make it look a little less intimidating. Flush it out. Oh my gosh.

Oh my goodness. So yeah, that would be that would be my go to next step. OK, I had had that on my list, but I had it lower because I felt like the face and the skin they've got to take top priority because in my mind, I'm covering up the rest of it. So what are we left with? We're left with getting a tan and some Botox. Oh my God, I didn't even think of that. Oh my goodness.

Are we to have if we have the means? Hopefully something slightly more natural looking, but like, yeah, like he's got this pallor to him that is just wild. And maybe it's not his fault. He's been living in a cave.

Yeah, but maybe it's true. And maybe it's not his fault because I feel like every scene we ever see from him, it's gloomy, it's Mordor, everything is gray. He's gray. The ground is gray.

The ground is sunshine. Yeah. Yeah. It was just like the color palette for those scenes is maybe not showing him off to his best. Oh, the skin tone. Yeah.

Yeah. So like we could fix that. We could give him a nice tan. And then we could like plump up the gauntness of his cheeks or whatever Botox does. I think you're going to need to be some Botox. Because I was looking at, because I was looking at his beautiful eyes. He has kind of a petite nose, but his forehead and his like cheekbones.

And it has like. Well, the forehead, I think you can solve by having a wig cut in a certain way, right? You got the veins.

We got veins out the wazoo. But it's like kind of, I think you're right. I think some cheeks, maybe even out some wrinkles because he's looking a little, you know how when you go in the water for too long and you have like that like wet wrinkly. He looks a little pruney.

So like something to like even out some of the wrinkle. Just a touch. How old is he? Like he's like. Oh, he's old. I mean, for his age, how old? Okay. How old is he?

Like 400? It's something ridiculous. No, he's not. Maybe he is.

Oh, girl. So ages of his character differ widely. Uh-huh. Golem is almost 600 years old.

Oh, geez. We're going to need a lot of Botox. That's going to be a lot of Botox.

By the truck. That's a lot. Yeah. Yeah.

Those wrinkles might not be going nowhere. Yeah. But I think we try.

We try to do a little boosty, boosty. And if all else fails, just really shabby hair. Just like let it cover everything. Just have like Justin Bieber hair. I did have a thought.

I did have a thought and like men do this all the time. They like grow beards. I don't know if you can grow a beard.

Like to cover up the bottom half of their face. Can you grow a beard? I doubt it.

I don't think we see hobbits with beards. Oh, that's an interesting point. Yeah.

So I assume not. However, however, with beard. I just love the Santa Claus. Just paste it onto his face.

Santa Claus. It would cover up a lot. It would cover up his neck. His waist. It would cover up most of his face. I don't know. I'm just like feeling good about the beard.

Oh my gosh. But then we might not be able to pass him off as a hobbit. But as like an old stator dude. Oh, yeah.

Old skater dude. I think some of his gauntness would be acceptable. Would be hidden.

Yeah. And hidden a little bit. Honestly, you convinced me with that tan. I was like, I don't know.

I don't know what to do with this. With, you know, his more grayish, grayish, paleish. My other thought and I didn't know this one because we haven't seen any Hobbit Wizards was to give him a hat like Gandalf. She gave him a beard like Gandalf. A lot of hair and robes that would cover anything.

And everything. You know, girl, I think he would have no trouble blending in at this point. We're covering up with like wigs. We're covering up with beard.

We got it. I think mine would be a little more intimidating because I was kind of leaving his face open and then like doing whatever with the tan and the bow tops. But maybe I think if we could get him walking and we could cover up the majority of his body and do something to distract from his face. Yeah. So walking and clothes, those have to happen because without them, nothing is happening.

No, because I think you're right. I think if we only had a month, I would focus on those two because we could slap a wig on him. We could work on other things. But what if we didn't have those? What if it was just like you can only do three things? We already know that walking walking clothes and clothes. What is the third thing?

Shucks. The third thing. To me, it's hair.

I thought about the other thing that I thought was like really fun, but it's just so stringy. Yeah, it's honestly leaning towards the tan because you got me because I just think like if they look at him, yeah, like if you look at him, his skin, I just think you'd be like, This is a zombie. What's going on? So I think I've been pulled over to your side of thinking.

I think the tan would do wonders. Okay. I had a couple others that I thought were fun where I was like, these are not by any means necessary. Okay, tell me, tell me.

But I enjoyed them. Send him to Elasta to fish with the bears and just eat salmon all day until he is a little bit fat. Just a little bit. We got to put some like mass on him.

He's so skinny. I think you're right. A little bit. He loves raw fish.

He would love this trip. Get a little bit of that extra fat layer. You're right.

This is how the bears do it. Do you think he could develop muscle? I think he's going to look like he seems relatively strong. When he fights Sam. He's like the epitome of like skinny strong where he's just like lean.

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, maybe if he ate more protein shakes. Yeah, maybe if he ate more, the muscle would come naturally. He's like, he's active, right? Yeah.

Huh. I would have to think about that. I think you're right. I think that would be more long term.

I think this is exactly this is long term. This wouldn't some fat. We don't even know if he has an appetite. He probably needs to be on some kind of appetite inducing drug before he can get him to eat all that salmon.

Eat more salmon. I know. Okay. Okay. Well, I love that.

I think that makes a lot of sense. I was going to go, okay. So mine started bordering on the ridiculous, but one of my thoughts that I had was like, okay, do we use some cosmetics here?

Uh huh. Like do we use a little bit of foundation, a little bit of concealer? He's got some big under eye bags. I mean, that's basically the 10, you know, the tan, right? The tan would really help. So I was thinking maybe we do some of that, a little bit of blush. I was thinking, and I think this might be a step too far. But I was like, he has beautiful eyes.

We got to lean into those. Do we do fake eyelashes? Do we do some mascara? Like maybe it's not black, so it doesn't have to be like super blatant.

I think no. His eyes are already accentuated by their bullish shape. They do really pop out at you.

They do. So maybe we don't go the makeup route, but you know, a little bit of chapstick or like color there. I wanted to go full my fair lady and get some ditch in, right?

Because here you are. Yeah, you're in the train station. He looks normal, right? He's got his chain. He's got his nice suits. He's got whatever else is going on. He's got his hat.

He looks normal. And so you say, hello, sir. Here's your ticket. I can't do a goal of voice, but I'm sure you can imagine how he says it.

So we just got to do full my fair lady. I don't know what it is, but we got to extract the creepiness from his voice and insert just like some kind of drone monologue. Yeah, like he doesn't need to have a nice voice. It just needs to be not creepy. I love that.

I love that. The rain in Spain stains mainly in the plains. He needs to work on some diction, some pronunciation. Yep. It just like tone.

I don't know what exactly it is. The voice is amazing for Colom like hat tip to like who is a anti circus. Amazing voice.

Incredible. But yeah, it's just like the way he drags out certain words that has to stop. The way the way he doesn't blink when he speaks that has to stop. You know, actually that made me think something else I think I would do kind of towards the beginning, a checkup is something with his cough. He's coughing and saying golem like all the time. He's got something going on.

That's going to draw attention. He's got something going on. I don't know if it's like he's his like pneumonia or something in his lungs. Like that's where his his golem name came from right is like he's living in these murky caves and just kept coughing and saying so we got to take him to the doctor. He needs a physical stat.

We got to see what's in those lungs. Kind of going off the ditch in this is like under the premise of yes, he's looking normal enough that somebody has strept up a conversation. And I just really feel strongly that he needs a new name. Smeedle just doesn't do it for me. What's your name?

Smeedle. It just sounds like something a creepy creeper would say. I looked at the meaning. It is relatively sinister. It means like a creeping theme or burrowing theme.

So like told him on purpose. Interesting. And I thought about it for a minute, but I couldn't come up with anything. I do not have a new name for Smeedle.

And maybe he would take it. But like I was trying to think what is just like a normal Hobbit name. And I came up with like, I don't know, Mary a dock and Bippin or something like that. You know, silly little names, but I don't know if there's like a strong, meaningful name for him that isn't Smeedle.

Okay, I'm trying to think of what are some things that we could do that maybe have. So we're assuming he's left his golem stereotype behind. He's got the personality. I think so. And we're working with Smeedle here.

I'm trying to think what are some names that have a similar vibe to that or similar sounds? We have Smeed. I mean, Smith.

Smith, maybe that maybe there's a last name. We could do like an SM sound. SM is tricky.

I don't think it's like tricky. I'm trying to think. For some reason with golem, if I'm thinking of golem, I think of like Gabe.

Gabe, I think of or let's see what are some S names for baby names that we could do. Oh, interesting. I think not Sam. So we have the arch enemy.

He wouldn't take it. Yes, exactly named that. What are some Silas is kind of interesting. It's a little bit unusual for today, but Silas.

Let's get her. Yes, I don't know. Yeah, I was struggling with that. But I, and obviously this is not like this is the tell-in, right? Yeah. But I thought that would be important if you ever did have to introduce himself. I love that.

Yeah. I think you should definitely get a new, a new name. A new name for a new you. A new name for a new you.

I love that. I'm still like Googling, trying to find something that could be interesting. But I think there's a lot of options that he could pick from. Let's see. Okay. So, did you have any others that were like, not must haves, but just like, this would be a nice to have. Just that I thought of as I was thinking about Gollum.

I think we hit a lot of them. We were talking about the clothing, the diction, the cough. There's a fun follow up. Who among the fellowship would be able most qualified to execute these, this makeover? Oh my gosh.

Oh, and I will say I'll add one more, which goes into your My Fair Lady thing. Table manners. Cause can't nobody be eating raw fish like that. So some kind of like dinner, you know, if you were invited to dinner, how would you be? This is polite society.

How do you do it? And I think with that, I think you'd be in a great spot. But yes, okay.

The follow up. Who do we think would be willing slash or able to pull off this? Probably unwilling, but potentially able. Potentially able. And like, we're not allowed to cheat and have Sina from the Hunter games. Okay.

Deal. I think the obvious choice, especially in the movies, they really painted like some pity and care there is Frodo. Frodo would totally, we were like, we're trying to rehabilitate Gawr. There's no other option. We're trying to rehabilitate him.

Like what can we do? Frodo would be down. He would totally be like, I'll invite you to my friend groups parties.

Like I'll be like, come on guys, be nice. He's trying to get a hang of it. Yes. When we were, oh yeah, you scored it. When we would be willing, would he have the ability?

I think he'd be a little too soft. I think it probably being like, okay, we need to do this. You need to talk like that, like practice your walking, do all this stuff. I don't know if he'd be able to like, to enforce. Enforce. But maybe Gawrlim is willing. We don't know. Maybe he's craving the social life.

He's craving the social life. And so I, but I think Frodo would be really nice to him. When we were talking about table manners though, I thought, who else but Bilbo?

Right. Like in the Hobbit, he has, he talks about the dwarves coming and he has his cutlery and he has his cute little pantry and he has like, that's not how like, polite society behaves and he's so, he's so involved in that, in the Hobbit. Well, if we have experts for each theme, ledilus for walking. Oh, you've never seen him walk with bad posture. I've never seen, he has the best posture, like the trees straight. Yeah, by far.

Spine like a tree. Yes. That's all right. So ledilus for walking. And I feel like ledilus would be mean about it or not mean, but he would be like, stand up straight, like you need to practice.

Yeah. I think he would do really good job at that actually, because that's the most needed. What would you need to offer ledilus in order to make him do this though? Legolas, I feel like he has a good. What motivates him? The thing is, I think he would, I think he would help people, but I think he would just trust Gollum.

Okay. And I think that would, that would maybe hinder him from wanting to be too involved. But if we said, you can. No, you know what you do? You make it a competition. Oh my gosh. Ledilus is in charge of making him walk.

What is Gimli in charge of? Oh my gosh, you're right. You're right. Hair. Has to be hair. Oh my goodness. I love that's the beard. The wig.

Nice. And it's like whoever can get Gollum to like work, like get it done first wins. So now they're both highly motivated. I love it. That's right. The competition.

Okay. I mean, Bilbo would never work with Gollum. Bilbo is, would be like write him off.

So probably not very likely there, but he could be good. Um, okay. Who else? I think I think Arwin would have a soft spot.

I think Arwin, she could be the My Bear Lady. She could work with like the diction and like, okay, this is how you pronounce this. This is language skills. Like this is how you say these things.

I don't know. Like I feel like she seems like a very educated. Very much.

Uh, person. Where is he getting his clothes from? From the elves?

Uh, well, I thought you wanted more like a hobbit-y vibe. Yeah. That's true.

But that's true. But I think when I've, maybe I'm imagining this, but I feel like when Frodo is recovering and Rivendell, the elves give them clothes. I could be wrong. Oh yeah. Like slightly fancy. Before their, before their dream. Well, they definitely give them the capes. I think the, I think the under cl- Maybe they already had some. The breeches in the vest.

I think that's what they were wearing. Okay. Yeah. All right. So yeah, hobbit clothes, which means what we're doing here is we're raiding Sam's closet.

Sam or Pippa and Mary. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. Well, that covers everything. That's like most, those are the most important things. We don't know a dentist in Middle Earth.

So I don't know who deals with that. That's gotta be Gandalf. That's gotta be like, that's, yeah, that's sorcery. That is straight up sorcery. That's gotta fix those. An active match, it can fix it. In terms of getting some sun, I think you put him on a horse in Rohan and ride him around for a few days and he'll get a pretty good tan, I bet.

Okay. So, Aymir or Ewin, maybe you can put him on a horse and ride him around. No, Faramir as a favorite to our one.

Oh, Faramir is nice. He would do that. Yes. I love this. All right, Dolm, we've got you covered.

Your globe is ready. Oh my goodness. Well, I loved that. That was so fun.

Oh my goodness. It would be shocking to me to have Gala walk by me and not be able to know it, notice. But I feel like with all of the steps that we discussed, he would be a brand new person. Yeah. And like, you may not even need to do as far as the whip, like shaving the head, getting the tan, like all these scenes can go pretty far.

They can go pretty far. What do we envision for Smigol slash Gollum in this new life of his? He's looking good. People are inviting him to their parties.

Yep. He needs to set up a house somewhere. That's not a cave.

I feel adamant. That's not a cave. Yep. He needs a house. That's not a cave.

Obviously it has to be a hobbit hole so we can have nice cave vibes. I think so. Yeah, yeah. Like it'll be a smoother transition for him. I think so.

Yeah. But yeah, I imagine he has, all right, he has a little hobbit hole. Outside of his hobbit hole, he has a little garden. It is ill-tended.

There's nothing growing. A little river. But next to his garden, next to his garden, he has a little stream. And what lives in the streams? Fish. Fish. And he secretly eats them raw inside his hobbit hole.

But he does it inside his hobbit hole instead of outside in the stream. I love it. I love it.

It's perfect. I've got the precious life for him. I wish him well. Okay. Amazing. Well, I love that.

Good luck Gollum slash Mieko and your new blowed up life. Exactly. Exactly. All right. Perfect. That's a wrap.

That's a wrap. Thanks for joining us guys. Bye. Bye. Bye.